Updated: Oct 5
If you thought of money as though it were your partner, how would you describe your relationship? Are you in love – or is it more like love-hate? Would you say it’s mutually supportive or leaning more toward majorly complicated? Do you constantly wish you had more but avoid dealing with your finances like they’re the damn plague?
Whether you’re in good shape but still have to figure out how to hit those big goals - or you can’t even bear to look at your bank account - I want you to know that I get it. For most of my life, money was a really difficult subject for me.
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I never learned how to be with money so somewhere along the way I figured out how to make enough and spend too much. After graduating college, I was living in LA with $20k in credit card debt, $40k in student loans in default and no clue what I could do about it.
By the time the debt collectors started calling, I was in a constant state of stress and panic about my finances. My credit was shot. Debtors were threatening to take my beater car and I was screening all my calls out of fear.
I didn’t have a plan and I was too ashamed to talk to anyone about the mess I had created for myself.
I was in over my head and terrified about what would happen if I didn’t change something. (And if I’m being totally honest, even talking about this now gets my heart racing and palms sweating… it was scary!)
I wanted more money in my life so badly yet I was so angry that it never showed up for me the way I wanted it to… the way that it does for others. In short, my relationship with money was busted.
So how was I able to turn this around?
When I finally committed to changing my money situation once and for all, I realized I needed to learn more than the nuts and bolts of personal finance.
The truth is, you have to be willing to dig deep, get honest about the state of your relationship with money, and committed to healing it.
I needed to take an objective look at my money story and begin to heal the rifts I had created. Turns out, I was carrying around some pretty messed up beliefs about money.
Between personal experiences and what I picked up from others growing up, I believed that money always showed up before things got too disastrous - but you couldn’t count on it because it never stuck around beyond that. I believed that I didn’t fit in with people who had money and I resented them for the perceived slight. I also believed that if I didn’t stay as broke as my friends and family, they’d all end up rejecting me for my financial success. Yikes.
I began to heal these beliefs through an inner process I created for myself. I was able to release the old beliefs in favor of new, healthier ones. I began to “love-bomb” my finances and take loving ownership of the flow of money in and out of my life. I also made a firm commitment to always practice gratitude for the wonderful (and not-so-wonderful) things that money brought my way.
A great resource to help you discover your money beliefs is Overcoming Underearning(R): A Five-Step Plan to a Richer Life, by Barbara Stanny. I highly recommend reading and completing the exercises in this book.
I also got real about my practical knowledge of personal finances. Theoretically, I knew what I was supposed to do (spend less than I make) but couldn’t trust myself to do it. So I found a mentor with a healthy relationship to money. She helped me assess my situation and create a plan – without judgment or emotion. Then she held me accountable to my finances, taught me what I didn’t know, and helped me create healthy habits like looking at my budget regularly and pulling cash out manage spending.
It took me a few years to finally turn everything around, get out of debt completely and repair my credit… but I did it!
Looking back, I can see clearly that I couldn’t have done it without loving support and guidance.
If you’ve often found yourself not making as much as you deserve, scared to look at your bank account or tell a client what you charge, and are unwilling to even track your monthly revenue and expenses, it’s time to take an honest look at your relationship with money.
Are you showing up for money in the same way you expect it to show up for you? Do you neglect it, berate it, and expect it to let you down? Are you ashamed to tell people how much – or how little – money comes in and out of your life?
Spend some time writing and reflecting on the beliefs you hold about money. You may be surprised by what you discover.
A big part of my coaching program revolves around helping clients shift their money story so they can better succeed in business and flourish in life.
One client grew up with parents who spent lavishly on her… instead of spending quality time with her. She became confused about the dynamic between love and money, eventually adopting the belief that you can’t have both together. Since she was in a loving, healthy marriage, she had been subconsciously blocking herself from making money for fear that she’d lose her relationship.
Another client had always believed her blue-collar upbringing: that you have to work hard to earn money. She loved her work and it never felt difficult, so she struggled to charge a fair price. After all, she couldn’t make a good living if it wasn’t hard work, right?
To make change, you first have to create awareness around your deep-held beliefs. Then you have the opportunity to decide what you will choose to believe going forward.
And if you need some help with this, it’s ok to ask! This is such a hot topic with my private clients that my Business Bootcamp group members now get a whole month dedicated to identifying and shifting their money story!
Are you finally ready to make real change in your finances? I want to hear your money story and how you’d like to see it change.
Email me or, better yet, let’s jump on a call and I’ll give you some tips and insights – for free!
Until then, I’m wishing you endless love and prosperity.
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